I’m with Stupid

October 5, 2012 under Unlikely Christian
Share

Hey there.

*

Got a second?

*

I was gonna say, bend your ear my way for a bit, but that just makes no sense at all in this situation because I’m not talking, I’m typing.  So you don’t really need your ears at all right now unless you’re reading this out loud, which would be weird.  But hey, you know what?  I feel like I need to talk right now, so go ahead and help a brother out and bend your ear my way.

*

So……I’m kind of a mess right now.  Maybe even more than kind of.

*

I know, I know, you can’t really tell, because I look so great and all, but truth is, I’m pretty exceptional when it comes to camouflaging how I’m doing.  But trust me, I’m a mess, and I’ve been a mess for umm……pretty much the last 3 months, hence the 2 blog posts since June.  Now far be it from me to pretend I’ve always had it all together up until now.  Sometimes I go in and out of funks, but over the years I’ve learned that whenever I’m going through something, to just keep going and eventually I’ll come out the other side.  So that’s what I’ve been trying to do, but things have just gotten progressively worse, and this last month has been especially U-G-L-Y.  You know, the kind without the alibi.

*

So what’s up?  What’s been ailing me?

*

Well, I kind of touched on it a little bit in my last postDisconnect. 

*

Long story short, I gave God the summer off.  I went from the reliance package to the do-it-yourself package, which any of you who really know me, know that I’m no handy man, far from it in fact.  I always blame it on being left handed.  You know, because most tools are made for righties, like hammers, screwdrivers etc…. “What’s that?  Oh they’re not?  Well……thanks for kicking a guy when he’s down!”

*

Anyway, I gave God the summer off.  I mean, what could go wrong?  School is out, I’m off for 3 months, I got this!  Except, oh no I didn’t.  I let down my guard, slowly drifted from God, and then an old acquaintance dropped by for a visit – Old me, aka B.C. me.

*

I didn’t think much of it, in fact, I didn’t really even realize old me had shown up, but he had, and he kicked his feet up and made himself comfortable.  And as it turned out, he had an agenda.  He’d purchased an open-ended ticket, hoping he’d be able to hang around for a spell and that’s just what he did.  B.C. me had kind of moved back in, and I unknowingly started falling into some old, familiar, and sadly, comfortable habits.

*

Now it wasn’t full blown B.C. me, it was more of a Harry Potter 1 Voldermort sort of B.C. me, in a weakened state.  But much like the early, “He who must not be named”, B.C. me was still a force to be reckoned with, and it wasn’t long before he started to negatively influence me. 

*

He didn’t want to go to church.  So…..umm…..yeah…..I didn’t go to church.  I’ll be honest because I keeps it real here, there were several times that I showed up to church, just to drive the golf cart, which is my volunteer position.  Pull into the parking lot just before service ended, hop on the golf cart, shuttle some families back and forth, once the next service was well under way and the late arrivals were safely dropped off at the door, I hopped in my car and went home, never setting foot inside the church.  Yep, I did that…….more than once.  Not that missing church is the worst thing in the world, but I wasn’t reading the Bible, I wasn’t mentally into community group etc….  I was completely disconnecting.

*

I was drifting further and further from the changed man I’d become, and closer and closer to the guy I was before Christ.  This was no bueno.

*

So when summer ended, and things started getting hairy on the job again, I’m talking stress levels where the oxygen level is low, I reacted differently than I would’ve back in April, but B.C. me was quick to say, “I got this!”  I didn’t object, and as a result, I’ve been a stress-filled, angry, frustrated, tired, tightly-wound, ball of mess.

*

Now let me just come right out and say that B.C. me was stupid.  Stupid and stubborn and stupid.  And yes I added stupid twice because once just doesn’t cut it.  I don’t know what it was about B.C. me, but for some reason, he liked (and likes for that matter) to play this stupid lone wolf, solve it yourself, don’t need any help from friends, family or God, do-it-yourself role.  It’s ridiculous!

*

Seriously, I have a lot of real good Christian friends that I could’ve reached out to, but have I reached out to any of them?  Have I thrown my name in the prayer requests at community group?  I belong to an awesome church full of people that care about me, have I leaned on any of them? What and show some weakness, vulnerability?!?!  Come on!  I’m a man and men don’t do things like that!  In fact, B.C. me had me doing the opposite, distancing from anything that might be helpful.  His advice, “CAMO UP and deal with it!”

*

And that’s just the first part of stupid because even when I realized, that I’d been hijacked by B.C. me, the first thing I thought was, “Good, now that I know what’s up, I can handle this.”  Yeah, because it’s worked out so well for me in the past.  One might think a guy who wrote a short e-book called, “God or D.I.Y.”, (where the climax of the story is when the hero, ME, finally learns to let go and give it to God and things turn out better than he could’ve ever imagined) would know exactly what to do.  Yes, one might think that, but well………..  

* 

What can I say?  Other than……..

*

A popular comedian, used to say, “You can’t fix stupid!”, and that may be true, but luckily God can, so it’s time to get my butt in the shop.  Time for the prodigal son to return home.

*

I used to view the story of the prodigal son as a happily ever after story.  The son came back, and all was well, forever and ever amen, but the truth of the matter is, we are prone to wander, even away from the father, and yes, possibly even multiple times.

*

And that’s just what I’d done.  I’d become a prodigal son, which sucks!  Except, no it doesn’t.  I mean, it sucks that I’d wandered off and gotten lost, but it’s also great because it’s one of my favorite stories in The Bible.  I’ve read it many times and know how it ends.

*

Two important parts of that story stick out to me.  Once the prodigal son “came to his senses”, “he got up and went to his father.”  And then my favorite part, “But while he was still a long way off, his father saw him and was filled with compassion for him; he ran to his son, threw his arms around him and kissed him.” – Luke 15:17-20 – NIV

*

I absolutely love that!

*

Tracking my story, along with the prodigal son, I just passed the part where I’ve come to my senses and got up.  All that’s left is getting back to the Father. 

*

Thankfully, the journey back is always shorter than the journey away, because the journey back ends with, “But while he was still a long way off, his father saw him and was filled with compassion for him; he ran to his son, threw his arms around him and kissed him.”

*

I’m so looking forward to that embrace!

Share

One Response to "I’m with Stupid"