The Last 10 Months – Part I

October 4, 2014 under Unlikely Christian
Share

Hey there!  

*

So…..December 16th, 2013.

*

That’s the last time I’ve posted anything on this website.

*

Pathetic, I know.

*

A lot has happened in 10-ish months.

*

A lot of stuff that could’ve ended up on this site.

*

Here’s some possible titles of the above stuff (in no particular order): 

*

“Hey, I’m leading a community group”

“I’m going back to college, college, college”

“I went to Florida over the summer and all I got was this lousy stent in my artery”

“Why I left my church”

“Why do I continually shirk my responsibilities as spiritual leader of my family?”

“My wife and kids are going to church without me. #Fail”

“Christians acting a fool #3 – Why do I forget I’m a Christian when I’m in my car?”

“Why I’ll probably never go to church again.”

“An Unlikely Christian Podcast…..hmm…..(strokes his beard in thought)

“A great opportunity to share my faith…..and I blew it.”

“Watching real Christians in action, while I stood on the sidelines.”

“Why I decided to go back to church.”

“I can feel God working on me again.”

*

So…..dear readers that actually remember me, which one of the above would you like to hear about first?

*

Okay, the stent in my artery.  Yeah, funny thing, if you have crappy genes, a suspect diet and don’t take care of yourself, it doesn’t matter how much you run or how young you think you are, you can still have a left anterior descending artery blockage of over 95%.  Long story short, I had chest pain while running, then it moved into my left shoulder, so I immediately (2+ months later) went to the doctor to ask what was wrong with my lungs.  Yeah, it wasn’t my lungs.  It was a blocked artery, so I had an angioplasty and the dr. left in a metal stent to keep the artery open.  Looming heart attack narrowly avoided.  Thanks God!  Oh and I went to Florida for a week.  It was cool. 

*

Next?

*

No, let’s save that stuff for last.  How about college?

*

So yeah, I’m in grad school now.  Definitely part of the reason I haven’t written in a while.  I take that back, I’ve actually written plenty, but it’s been school papers and you guys aren’t interested in that.  I’m working on my Masters of Education in School Counseling.  I’m hoping to be done this summer and maybe, just maybe, I’ll get an opportunity to be a counselor next school year.  #FingersCrossed

*

An Unlikely Christian Podcast?

*

Yeah, I get ideas sometimes.  I actually tried a solo podcast once upon a time and…..it…..was…..awful.  I was embarrassed for myself when I listened to it.  So I gave up on that idea.  But it kept popping up in my head so I talked it over with a couple of iron-sharpening friends of mine and we are going to give it a whirl one day and see what happens.  I make no promises that the recordings will ever see the light of day, but it should be fun and who knows right?

*

Next?

*

Well that kind of goes with the other stuff I’m saving for last, so let’s go with Community Group Leader.

*

So when I started going to a new church in June 2011, I told God that I would say “yes” to pretty much any church opportunities that presented themselves, even ones outside of my comfort zone.  Like a men’s retreat for instance.  There was no way I would’ve ever thought about going to one of those, but I did, and it was a life altering experience that also gave me some life-long friends.  I also did some first impressions type volunteering – greeting, door holding, hand-shaking, golf cart driving etc.  I even helped out in the nursery once when they were short-handed.  Let’s see…..oh yeah, this is weird for me, I accepted the role of a table-leader twice during a couple of men’s studies.  I can’t tell you how out of my element I was in those situations, but I did it, probably not all that well, but I did it nonetheless and grew from the experiences.  I also joined a CG (community group).  Now let me tell you something about community groups.  I love them in theory, but in reality I’m an introvert and tend to struggle in people situations.  I’m so bad at the small talk, connecting and general people type stuff.  Social situations, which include people I don’t know, are so not my thing, in fact I’ve pretty much always lived my life avoiding, sometimes even fleeing, said situations.  It takes me a long time to get comfortable in situations like that and I never did get comfortable in my CG.  So you can imagine my dismay and anxiety level when I got a phone call asking me to lead one.

*

Since, as I mentioned before, I’d told God I’d say yes to things, I told the church, “Yeah…..I’ll think about it.”

*

So I thought about it.  I thought about how my promise to God to say yes wasn’t technically a “promise.”  I mean I don’t think I ever said the word “promise” so it was probably more of a “I’ll probably say yes to things, but have the right to decline.”  I mean, I never signed anything so it wasn’t really a binding agreement.

*

So I went ahead and said yes.

*

And at first I was feeling pretty good about things.  I was already friends with the families that were going to be there. 

*

Comfort level?

*

I’m good.

*

But then the pastor told me a new couple would be joining.

*

Comfort level?

*

DEFCON 3

*

My introvert anxiety levels skyrocketed, while my spiritual confidence levels plummeted.  What if they know more than me?  I’ve only been a Christian for a little over a handful of years, and they’re probably going to be wondering, “What’s this jack-wagon doing leading a community group?  Who put this guy in a leadership position when his prayers make you think of Ben Stiller in “Meet the Parents” and has he seen that movie because that’s not really a movie a Christian needs to be seeing.  I bet he’s seen a bunch of Quentin Tarantino movies too, probably owns “Pulp Fiction” on Blu-ray, come on honey, get the keys, we’re out of here!”  How could they possibly know that?

*

Welcome to my brain folks.

*

But I pulled myself together and thought, “You know what?  I’m going to try my best.  Maybe employ a little ‘fake it till you make it’ and everything is going to be alright.”

*

T-Minus 3 hours till 1st CG Meeting – Phone rings.

*

It’s a church staff member.

*

He and his family are coming to our CG.

*

DEFCON OH…..MY…..GOSH!

*

Then, as if that wasn’t already enough, my daughter calls me upstairs.  Her pet rat is suffering.  Like sad, suffering.  Like even if you hate rats, you’d be sad at the sight of this one.  It’s bleeding and its breathing has become a chore, aka it needs help going to the light. 

*

DEFCON Well…..crap…..

*

I can’t have this future unpleasant task hanging over my head at CG tonight.  Immediate action must be taken.  I’m the dad.  El man-o of el house-o.  This falls squarely under my jurisdiction.  I knew what must be done and I knew it must be done soon, like now.  But how?  I’m not going to go into the different scenarios of “how” that played out in my head because you might unfriend me and I only tell you this story because of the absurdity it added to an already DEFCON…..OH…..MY…..GOSH day.

*

In the end, I did my manly duty, then left to lead my first CG.

*

People say it went well, but I think they were just being polite.

*

I led a couple more, but wasn’t feeling it.

*

And then…..

*

I quit my church.

*

In a future post, I’ll tell you all about that and the other stuff from above that I didn’t touch on.  I’ve got so much to say about what happened and what I’ve learned/what God has taught me since that day. 

*

I’m not sure when that post will be, but I can promise you that it will be sooner than 10-ish months from now.     

 

*

Share
comments: Closed

Comments are closed.